Help Me

It started happening December, It kept getting worse each and everyday I did not ask for help I can not tell you that I did not think of harming myself that month It was not the first time it had happened I go through phases I believe I have a problem that is hard to resolve I've prayed it's been gone but it keeps returning Happiness doesn't last long for me I never understand why, help me No one understands me when I speak I stay shut and they wonder why I get depressed but I don't speak Please can't you see that I need help but no one truly offers it I think someone is controlling my emotions I don't want to be this way anymore help me change and learn to control my emotions HELP ME!